Six Steps To Getting Your Ex Back With Your Absence And The No Contact Rule

Six Steps To Getting Your Ex Back With Your Absence And The No Contact Rule


Breakups can hurt, but did you know the steps to bring back your ex can also lead to personal growth, even if it doesn't work out?

This article explores the importance of space, the 'no-contact rule,' and presents six steps to assist you in rekindling the relationship.

Ex Back Female

Even if your ex doesn't come back, these steps will still help you heal emotionally and pave the way to a more fulfilling life.

Follow the six steps below. 

Step 1 - Make Your Ex Feel Your Absence

Missing puzzle piece

If you're looking to rekindle the flame with your ex, here's the first rule: give them space. It's all about making your ex feel your absence, not your presence!

Winning your ex back isn't about showing up unannounced or bombarding them with messages. No, it's about letting your absence speak volumes. When you become scarce, it's like a megaphone for your confidence, self-esteem, and emotional strength.

It loudly proclaims that you're not groveling for their attention, that you have a life to live, and you deserve someone who genuinely appreciates you. 

Besides, it creates a valuable vacuum for your ex to experience a bit of emptiness in their world. That's the secret sauce to lure your ex back while you're busy becoming the best version of yourself.

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Step 2 - Cement Your Absence With The No Contact Rule

Now, make the clever move and ditch the idea of being friends with your ex. Dive headfirst into the no-contact rule and let them marinate in the void you've left behind.

The no-contact rule means cutting off all communication with your ex, both direct and indirect, and maybe even forever if needed. It allows you to regain your composure and get over your ex efficiently.

It's vital to embrace this rule as soon as possible after the breakup. If you're still talking to your ex, it leaves you vulnerable, and that's when you should start no contact urgently.

Step 3 - Your Ex Needs To Stumble In Life Before Thinking Of You

Girl walking alone on deserted road

You might wonder, "I'm in no-contact, but what if my ex doesn't realize what they've lost?" 

Well, your ex won't truly understand what they're missing until they feel your absence. That's why you need to jump into no contact fast.

But here's the kicker: how much they long for you depends on how they cope post-breakup. 

In relationships, absence can ignite the longing for togetherness. But in breakups, it's more about the bittersweet feeling of pain and regret that fuels nostalgia.

So, for your ex to truly feel your absence, they've got to face some insurmountable hurdles they can't handle alone.

Let's explain this concept in more detail: 

The less equipped your ex is to tackle life without you, the harder your disappearance will hit. Let them discover their strength through your silence and the no-contact rule.

You're hoping they'll come back, humbled, seeking your forgiveness.

But that won't happen until they sense your absence during a rough patch, longing for a previous time when they used to lean on you.

The longer you keep no contact going, the more they'll likely face challenges they can't tackle alone, craving the support they once took for granted, and reaching out.

And just like that, your ex might start yearning for the comfort and stability you once provided, finally realizing they can't do without you.

Step 4 - A Reminder Not To Contact Your Ex

Girl praying quietly

So now, if it's tempting to keep that line of communication open, remember this - it won't give your ex the space they need to sort out their feelings. 

It won't let them stumble and grasp the lessons they need to. It will signal that you're still hanging on the sidelines, settling for some casual chitchat, a backup plan! 

Believe me your ex won't find that admirable.

It might even shove them farther away. They might stumble into someone new, and you'll feel like a fool for thinking you could switch back from friends to lovers.

No, you can't patch things up that easily. That's why your silence is so crucial. Your no-contact policy gives your ex the space to live their life without you constantly in their head. 

It might not be what you want, but it's a healthy move for them and a show of respect for you. Plus, it's their chance to mess up without your safety net. They've got to learn on their own. 

And guess what? That could bring them back to your doorstep with a humble "I messed up" on their lips.

So let your ex navigate their ship, alone with their thoughts and feelings, without your constant interference, and allow life to unfold and magic to happen.

Step 5 - Work On Yourself During No Contact

Man doing deadlift

But no contact isn't a cakewalk. So, hang tight. Dive into cool hobbies, stuff that gets you going, and work on becoming the finest version of yourself. 

When your ex hits that rough patch and realizes they're missing you, they don't want to stumble upon you wallowing on the sofa, head in hand. 

They want to see you standing tall, independent, someone they can lean on once more. 

Focusing on yourself during this time won't just leave a great impression on your ex. It'll also help you find your balance because it will get your ex out of your system if your ex never returns to you.

Step 6 - Be Realistic In Your Expectations Of A Reunion

Girl looking at photo of ex

But remember, there are no guarantees in love. Creating space and fostering absence takes time, and every relationship is unique. 

Patience and understanding your situation are crucial. Trust the process to lead you to a better version of yourself, regardless of the outcome.


Remember, winning back your ex isn't about forceful reentry or constant reminders of your presence. It's about creating a meaningful absence that allows both you and your ex the space to grow individually.

Embracing the no-contact rule is vital, not just for your ex's journey but also for your development. It's a chance for them to realize your value, but it's also an opportunity for you to discover your strength and independence.

While there are no guarantees in matters of the heart, trust the process and focus on becoming the best version of yourself. 

Whether your ex returns to you or not, this period of absence and self-improvement will undoubtedly lead you to a more fulfilling life.

Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently asked questions

These are the questions most frequently asked by our readers: 

1. How long should the no-contact period last

The no-contact rule, ideally, should be considered indefinite. 

Instead of adhering to a specific timeline, the best approach is to maintain silence until your ex makes genuine contact or until you have achieved complete emotional healing and gained a clear perspective on your feelings and desires. 

An indefinite no-contact period allows you to create space for genuine self-reflection and growth, enabling you to make more informed decisions about whether reconciliation works with your personal growth and well-being.

Remember, the goal is not solely about winning back your ex but also prioritizing your emotional health and personal development. 

By remaining silent until your ex makes genuine contact, you demonstrate self-respect and emotional maturity, setting the stage for a healthier and more authentic reconciliation.

2. Does the no-contact rule work?

Yes - the no-contact rule is a powerful strategy for potentially rekindling a lost relationship and fostering personal growth. 

It encourages introspection and empowers individuals to focus on self-improvement, ultimately leading to becoming the best versions of themselves. 

This process allows you to address any underlying issues that may have contributed to the relationship's challenges, fostering personal development and emotional resilience.

3. Can I still maintain a friendship during the no-contact period?

You should refrain from all communication, including friendship, during the no-contact period. 

Initiating contact during the no-contact period can make you seem always available, which might lessen your value in your ex's eyes. 

It's like telling them you're okay with being their second choice. This thought could lead to them not taking the idea of getting back together seriously, potentially causing more rejection and hurting your self-esteem further.

You also shouldn't seek a friendship with your ex during the no-contact period. 

Trying to be friends while you're still healing can slow your progress and make it harder for you to move on. Instead, taking time off allows you to focus on your well-being and show your ex that you respect yourself. 

So, not accepting friendship from your ex sets the stage for a healthier relationship - whether with your ex or someone new.

4. What if my ex reaches out during the no-contact period?

If your ex reaches out during the no-contact period, it's essential to find a balance between being polite and maintaining the boundaries of the no-contact rule. 

Ignoring them outright might not always be the best approach, especially if they want to reconcile genuinely. However, you must be cautious, as they might be testing the waters or sending breadcrumbs without sincerely wanting to get back together.

It's important to remember that if your ex rejected you before, they should demonstrate genuine effort and commitment if they want to rebuild the relationship. 

You shouldn't just take them back immediately. They need to prove they are worthy of your love and trust. 

By holding them to a higher standard and setting clear expectations, you prioritize your self-respect and ensure that you base any potential reconciliation on mutual respect and genuine efforts from both parties.

5. How do I make my absence felt without seeming manipulative?

Making your absence felt without seeming manipulative involves focusing on genuine personal growth rather than using tactics to manipulate your ex's emotions. 

During the no-contact period, you won't be able to demonstrate or tell your ex directly how you've changed - remember the rules.

Instead, concentrate on self-improvement for your well-being. If your ex happens to notice your positive changes, that's a bonus, but the primary goal is to prioritize your growth and development. 

Author Bio

Author carved in wood

Hi, my name is Charles, and I own this blog. I've spent over a decade as a relationship blogger, delving deep into the intricate dynamics of human connections. 

Through my dedicated YouTube channel and lifestyle blog, I've guided numerous individuals through the tumultuous journey of heartbreak, helping them emerge strong and more resilient. 

My focus on personal growth and self-improvement resonates throughout my work, reflecting my unwavering commitment to nurturing fulfilling relationships and empowering individuals to become their best selves.

Feel free to comment below, and I'll respond with personalized insights tailored to your situation.

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